LOST: cellphone, mp3, rosary, usb, and my 16 years of existance

I'm sad and currently full of grief. I've just lost my pouch, of which contains the most valuable objects of my life. Every single things represent an important person: my mom and dad, my friends, my GOD, and myself. Now I have carelessly lost it. Now I'm barely whole, barely living, barely surviving. I'm grieving, just like a person would grieve for a loved one. It seems that my heart had gone numb, because of the terrible pain I'm feeling. I'm trying hard to cope up, to not to cry, and to be okay. But it's hard, when you know you've just lost your past, your very own identity and the most precious memories of my life.

It's like I'm not living. I feel I'm in a haze, everything seems just like a dream. I have hope I could turn back time too many times, for almost the same reasons. But right now I couln't wish for more than to go back in time, I could not have any better reason, any better way, because blaming myself is not enough. Planning of killing me isn't gonna make my past, my things, my "temple" back. I can only pray, that GOD would help me survive through this. I can only hope that time will come I can forgive myself, that one day I would thought of this day and laugh at my own foolishness. I'm stupid, and I couldn't phrase or describe myself better, because I know that I am and I know I could never change it, because I AM.

This is the longest entry that I have, and I don't know if someone will ever share my pain. But writing everything down, every misery and guilt I have felt since yesterday, will always be remembered. Teaching me a lesson, making me feel the lost, the emptiness and the once in a lifetime kind of pain. This pain is caused more than love could, because with love, at least I could blame someone. But this kind of pain I blame myself alone.



joanie