Unlucky Me!!!!

I actually don't know when my unluckiness had started. All I know is that for almost a month I had been the unluckiest person in the whole widest world I have ever known! Losing every material things that actually mattered to me, things that I actually treasured a WHOLE LOT. And know what ? It sucks!!!!!!! Im so getting sick of everything that is happening to me. I don't know if I'm just making excuses for myself or I'm just naturally unlucky this month. But I do hope it changes, because if it won't... I'm doomed to hell. Actually doomed to hell.

jo

Almost Hopeless

If ever I had been so hopeful, I've almost drowned every single bit of it. I'm in the point of which I'm slowly dissolving, and finding ways for escape. But then you would realize that the escape that you oh so craved is gone, that it's not even there to start with. I'm dying to die. I just don't know what else to do. I've done my best, but here we go again, my best, as usual, is never enough. And I'm nearing the point of saying "I gave up!" but the honest truth is I've already had. That, at least, is what I thought. But stupid as I am, I know I still have faith, that somehow I would be able to have my things again. To be able to appreciate it all over again. And it's almost refreshing to think about. Almost, but not completely. And then here goes the What Ifs and If Onlys. It's almost tiring to go all over again, but it's the only known redemption, my own salvation of the guilt and the grief I'm currently going through.

I hate going through the motions. Hate going through the pain and confessions. Because I know, time will come when I will have to tell my parents what had happened, and honestly I don't know how to tell the truth to them. How to face the consequences that I know would eventually come. And it's gonna be bad, super bad. Which makes me wish to die all the more sooner. But I know that's another wish that will have to wait in vain.

joanie

LOST: cellphone, mp3, rosary, usb, and my 16 years of existance

I'm sad and currently full of grief. I've just lost my pouch, of which contains the most valuable objects of my life. Every single things represent an important person: my mom and dad, my friends, my GOD, and myself. Now I have carelessly lost it. Now I'm barely whole, barely living, barely surviving. I'm grieving, just like a person would grieve for a loved one. It seems that my heart had gone numb, because of the terrible pain I'm feeling. I'm trying hard to cope up, to not to cry, and to be okay. But it's hard, when you know you've just lost your past, your very own identity and the most precious memories of my life.

It's like I'm not living. I feel I'm in a haze, everything seems just like a dream. I have hope I could turn back time too many times, for almost the same reasons. But right now I couln't wish for more than to go back in time, I could not have any better reason, any better way, because blaming myself is not enough. Planning of killing me isn't gonna make my past, my things, my "temple" back. I can only pray, that GOD would help me survive through this. I can only hope that time will come I can forgive myself, that one day I would thought of this day and laugh at my own foolishness. I'm stupid, and I couldn't phrase or describe myself better, because I know that I am and I know I could never change it, because I AM.

This is the longest entry that I have, and I don't know if someone will ever share my pain. But writing everything down, every misery and guilt I have felt since yesterday, will always be remembered. Teaching me a lesson, making me feel the lost, the emptiness and the once in a lifetime kind of pain. This pain is caused more than love could, because with love, at least I could blame someone. But this kind of pain I blame myself alone.



joanie

GUILTY PLEASURE

Sigh. It's already September and nex week..... exam again.

Anyways, I've just downloaded Ashley Tisdale's new album, Guilty Pleasure and may I say the album ROCKS!!!

And I;m certainly not being biased. The album is really good. I love her songs. Every single bit of it. From "How Do You Love Someone?" to "Delete You." And the lyrics of every single song is just so meaningful and accurate to every emotions a human heart could ever feel. HEHEHEHEHE!!

gotta go



loves,
aNniE